Carrying the Torch of Jackassdom

THE BESTEST STUFFS OF THE EVERS!!11!
Post Reply
User avatar
lionheart
Posts: 2099
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:22 am
Location: Masshole
Contact:

Carrying the Torch of Jackassdom

Post by lionheart » Tue Aug 10, 2004 12:14 pm

In my childhood, there were a vast array of "stars" who gained fame beyond their wildest of dreams, and well beyond anything that was deserved. These people took the public's lavishing and turned it into a triumphant embarassment for the human spirit when it was discovered these people were actually jackasses.

With the advent of the internet and message boards, these so-called stars were united behind a central theme: everyone loved mocking these people. Icons of joke targets, one would say. Making fun of those people became a national past time. Names like Hasselhoff, Feldman, Gary Coleman, Danza... they bring a smile to my face today when I think of the absurdity of their very being.

Image

Seriously.

Now, as these stars are now completely irrelevant, and the coming generation barely knows their names, who will be the next to carry the torch as the uberjackass? Who is the Alpha Ass?

My prediction:
Image

Thoughts? Who will pick up where Hasselhoff has left off?
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
User avatar
Repo Man
Posts: 2240
Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2004 6:09 pm
Location: Would you eat the moon if it was made of barbecue spareribs?

Post by Repo Man » Tue Aug 10, 2004 1:46 pm

I think you discount the fact that some jackasses simply reinvent themselves to mesh with the changing times.


Image

GOATEE = MODERN
User avatar
$nave
Posts: 2936
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 6:53 am
Location: :$V:
Contact:

Post by $nave » Tue Aug 10, 2004 4:29 pm

Seaquest will still have a fan base as long as American Idol is on TV and popular... not to mention that he looks like a mearcat:

Image
It's evolution, baby!

I don't think he has done enough cheesy things to earn Überjackass status right now, but Screech does have the profile... Like a today's version of Danny Bonaduce. At least Danny didn't remain with the show after all his castmates left, but Screech hasn't got caught with blow...
User avatar
die
Posts: 14844
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Post by die » Wed Aug 11, 2004 1:03 am

This thread has been begging to be made and it owns me.



Ryan Seacrest is a total cock tool. I remember when he was guest host on Talk Soup on E!, I always said "who is this fag and why must he punish me via my tv set?"


that was years ago.

I wish 2 deaths on him, one involving fire, the other involving fire + genitals.




I got to also throw this guy in the mix.....



Image

Annoying info-fag Tony Little

I know he's been around since I was a kid because we used to call him "Gay Mr. Perfect".

1- because he looked like Mr. Perfect the WWF wrestler with the blonde curly ponytail.

2- because he wants to stick his penis inside mens asses.


This bastard is still around screaming and pissing on TV and I hate him. He hasn't even aged at all it seems. Surely he has made a pact with Satan & Jack Tripper. I see hime display not talent at all, yet he's rich.


fuck him.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5657
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Post by SoVi3t » Wed Aug 11, 2004 1:53 am

Repo Man wrote:I think you discount the fact that some jackasses simply reinvent themselves to mesh with the changing times.


Image

GOATEE = MODERN
I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I heard that his brother is the dude from the Beastie Boys.

Anywho, how about Mr Punk'd himself, Ashton Kutcher?

We were talking at work with some girl who thought he was all that about how he'd be balding, out of shape, and jobless in about 2 or 3 years.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
lionheart
Posts: 2099
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:22 am
Location: Masshole
Contact:

Post by lionheart » Wed Aug 11, 2004 2:34 am

Hell yeah Die, I agree that Tony Little is a douche. We have covered this man's asstasticness for some time now:

http://www.tehstyleguide.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=662

Ashton Kutcher doesn't qualify IMO because he doesn't take himself seriously. That is a prerequisite to being a dickbag jackoff a la Seacrest.
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
User avatar
die
Posts: 14844
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Post by die » Wed Aug 11, 2004 2:49 am

Yeah, Ashton is NOT quite fagtastical enough to qualify....



but....


this motherfucker most certainly does qualify...



Image

Image


That Tactic-Ogre looking bearded yeti bastard from "Hollywood Squares" with the red-rimmed glasses, assorted driveway gravel teeth and the Gimli extreme makeover.

What the hell is he even around for? I have never seen him do jackshit.




Guess who else gets a nod from Die......


Image

Lance Bass


I've never even actually heard his voice in Nsync. Does he actually sing? I saw some Nsync documentary where they said they didn't think they'd make it cause Lance couldn't learn the moves.

The guy is boring as fuck and he's asexual as anybody could ever possibly be. He has stage fright and he's a horrid actor.

I can not think of one single reason why he should be alive this side of "target practice fodder".

try to top him!
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
lionheart
Posts: 2099
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:22 am
Location: Masshole
Contact:

Post by lionheart » Wed Aug 11, 2004 3:20 am

die wrote:
try to top him!
A tall task, indeed.

Image

Affleck. Pure evil.

Let us consider the facts.
  • Armageddon
  • Daredevil (2?)
  • Gigli
  • Jersey Girl
  • The Bennifer Debacle
  • Names himself spokesmen for Red Sox Nation (die die die, you don't speak for me cocksucker)
  • Constantly in the press, whoring himself.
What makes matters worse is that Affleck could have been reasonably OK. He was good in Good Will Hunting, and Great in Boiler Room. He can also be pretty funny at times. Seeing the way he makes a joke of his own career by trying to be "that guy" makes me crazy.

I can't wait to see him working part time on infomercials and guest spotting on Telemundo.
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
User avatar
die
Posts: 14844
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Post by die » Wed Aug 11, 2004 3:32 am

Affleck is a total fuck, but he gets props for his Kevin Smith film appearances, so he does have some worth.

and you know I'm a sucker for people who laugh at themselves and the "removing a dead hooker from Affleck's trailer" line will forever make me smile no matter how hard I try not to.


But...


Ben Affleck should have basted hams shoved up his ass and dropped off in Africa for his hairstyle in Daredevil. That was "teh ghey". :x
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
Repo Man
Posts: 2240
Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2004 6:09 pm
Location: Would you eat the moon if it was made of barbecue spareribs?

Post by Repo Man » Wed Aug 11, 2004 2:43 pm

Lance Bass I totally agree with. I cried when they couldn't shoot him into the stratosphere because he didn't have enough money.
What happened to all the "BACKSTREET'S BACK ALRIGHT!" money?
It's obvious it wasn't spent on corrective eye surgery.

I want to see that lazy eyed bastard do celebrity boxing with Stuart Scott with the winner to face Barbara Striesand.


And why is Jack Tripper on Die's S-list?




Anyway, here is another jackass I CAN'T STAND:

Image


Whenever I hear that stupid piano sound for the beginning of Will and Grace, I knock people over to change the channel. This guy plays the fag guy TOO good. He is obviously a canal pal in real life.
At least the guy from Melrose kept his fag low-key on the show and would hump anything with a slit in public.

I had to go on NBC.com to even find out what his name was because Yahoo! search came up empty when I typed in FAGGOT WHO ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

(Actually five pictures of Matt Damon were found, but that's a different story....)
User avatar
die
Posts: 14844
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Post by die » Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:52 am

And why is Jack Tripper on Die's S-list?
Jack Tripper is my anti drug.

It's just fun to pretend that he's in hell sporting a sould patch and red horns.

This guy plays the fag guy TOO good. He is obviously a canal pal in real life.
That owns me good.

Somebody actually tried to convince me that he is straight in real life. There's no way I could even imagine it being true.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
Repo Man
Posts: 2240
Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2004 6:09 pm
Location: Would you eat the moon if it was made of barbecue spareribs?

Post by Repo Man » Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:26 pm

die wrote:Somebody actually tried to convince me that he is straight in real life. There's no way I could even imagine it being true.
He is about as straight as a wet noodle.




This is slowly becoming my favorite thread......


Another entry in the Jackass contest:

Image



Big Willie Style has slowly gone from "Hey, it's a Philly guy who made it big!" to "Look at this Hollywood jackass!"

I liked PARENTS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. I loved THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR (although it was more Carlton than Will). I even loved INDEPENDENCE DAY and MIB #1.
He lost me around WILD WILD WEST and Will2K and Jodeci and that horrible GOING TO MIAMI song (using whatever old school song he ripped off).

I heard him on TV last night saying something about the word "nekkiddness." He said, "In the black community, we use the word nekkidness!"

The last time Will Smith was in the black community, the box fade was in style.
If the black community he is talking about is the one involving the Gumbel brothers and OJ, then hell yeah, Will is DOUGHBOY up in dat hood.


And when I saw this prick sitting at a Lakers game, then I was completely done. At the beginning of his career he was all "Philly this" and "Philly that" and as soon as the money starts rolling in, he climbs up Shaq's crack.
Will, don't wear a Sixers jersey if your videos if you are planning to tongue bath Nicholson's yambag the following night at the Staples Center.

Ya heard?



Actually this rant wasn't done by me, it was submitted by a third party.......


Image



But I share his sentiments.
Holla.
User avatar
die
Posts: 14844
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Post by die » Sat Aug 14, 2004 1:17 am

The last time Will Smith was in the black community, the box fade was in style.
If the black community he is talking about is the one involving the Gumbel brothers and OJ, then hell yeah, Will is DOUGHBOY up in dat hood.

Amen to that.


Will Smith just doesn't want to admit that he's a sellout, that's his problem.People point out that he's a pussy sellout who's all up on his wife's cooch like a clit ring and he gets butthurt and goes on the defensive or tries to prove he's hard. He tried to do Bad Boys 2 and come out all hard so he'd gain some street cred.That shit didn't work out too well mainly 'cause He still shows up every where he goes with his bitch like there's an invisible umbilical cord coming out of her pussy with the other end tied around his balls.

It's like Whitney & Bobby all over again but without the singing talent.





Speaking of singing talent, rather, the lack there of....




Image

What's this fag been up to?


Andrew WK



and this fucker....



Image

Who wants to know?

not me.




And I have to point this fucker out ASAP...


Image

That fag from the Backstreet Boys who's currently pseudo-banging Paris Hilton. Nick Carter? He just totally sucks balls. He tried to do a super shitty solo album or something a while back. I know I caught some of the video where he was trying to pose all cute and cash in on the fact that he's the "cute" one of that group. Well guess what fucker....sure, you may look like all of 3 of Tim Taylor's sons from Home Improvement merged into one homoerotically-charged fagzord, but being the "cute" one of a group consisting of:


Image
Dude who looks like generic latin dancer from Fame numero siete


Image
The ugliest motherfucker ever in a boy band and yes I am counting the dude with the vanilla and chocolate shitlocks from N*Sync, the really skinny bastard from Boys 2 Men and all the way back to Bell Biv and Devoe.


Image
The crossdresser with the unibrow and a Dixie Chick haircut



Image
The Orange Chip & Dale Rescue Ranger



is not a difficult task by any means.




Image
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
lionheart
Posts: 2099
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:22 am
Location: Masshole
Contact:

Post by lionheart » Sat Aug 14, 2004 3:02 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Sorry, I'm sure that was a good effort, but you Own3d me at "fagzord". After that it was all gravy.
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5657
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Post by SoVi3t » Sat Aug 14, 2004 8:13 pm

Will fucking Smith.

You had to bring him up.

Like some of the others, I used to listen to him way back when it was DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.

After he made Belair, it went right to his head. He only makes "Summer Blockbusters." All his roles are the exact fucking same. Agent J was the same as the fucking black cowboy (which pissed all over a decent TV show), who is the same as the fucking pilot in Independance Day, who is undoubtably the same as the cop in I, Robot (even though I haven't seen it).

He tries to be overly black, and he reminds me of a tall Chris Tucker if he was married to a controlling carreer hungry whore.

He probably has contracts state that he can't be in a movie that features a car worth less than $50,000. Seriously, watch Bad Boys II. Even the badguys in car accidents that live in pathetic shitholes drive nice cars. Hell, when he wants to carjack somebody, he waits (in a shitty neighbourhood) for a Lexus. Even when he plays a cop, or some normally low salary guy, he drives a Ferrari and wears Armani.

He needs to lose his job, get AIDS from fucking a mexican whore, and end up at McDonalds, or doing security with Gary Coleman.

When was the last time Will Smith had a hit movie? Oh yeah :(
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
Post Reply