FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS

THE BESTEST STUFFS OF THE EVERS!!11!
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die
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FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS

Post by die » Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:25 am

You fuckers really want to see somebody vent?


Getting up & going about life just about the same way every day can cause even the most laid-back guy to hate a whole bunch of motherfuckers after a while. I'd like to just blame it on the repetition, you know, basically just from seeing the same shit every day, but I'm sure it's more along the lines of "the world has gone shitty."


and so I rant.....


Memorials on Wheels- I swear if I see one more vehicle ride by with stickers saying "In Loving memory of..", I'm going to perform a Sub Zero fatality on a motherfucker. Hey, your Uncle Tony died, Is there a way to make sure his memory lives on? Hells yes, print up a sticker with a picture of him, the year he was born + the year he died & then add "In loving memory of Uncle Tony, See ya nigga" and slap that shit onto your burnt sienna w/ primer 1989 Nissan Stanza. We know that's exactly how Uncle Tony would want it, right?

I'm a strange bastard, My family members all have tombstones.







Metrosexuality- To put this in perspective, I was checking out some of "The Ultimate Fighter" the other night (you know, the UFC reality show). Ok, so these guys are about to get into the ring & beat the shit out of each other & how do they get "in their zone"? By having highlighted spikey hair & having their beards & sideburns shaved into pointy-theatrical designs. Even more wtf is how they all give each other soft heartfelt hugs. Why do guys these days give each other such tender hugs? Seriously, I always see these guys hugging each other like they have manbabies together. You know it's just white guys too, black dudes do the old "mafia-style show of respect handshake/shoulder-bang combo" thingie, but white dudes hug like they love the feel of "all things that are man". The days of the toughguy loner man's man kind of guy are long gone. To drive that point home and prove all hope is lost, Cowboys are now considered gay. Clint Eastwood & Chuck Norris are rolling over in their graves.

I'm just like "What's up" when I see you. Huggin' just ain't my gig.






My Space is Gay- People are losing their gottdamn minds over "My Space". How does my space work you ask? Oh it's simple! Just follow these steps:

1) Take some really queer-looking photos of yourself trying to look as cute as possible ,you may have to take 300-800 pics to get that perfect pose, but it's worth it to capture yourself looking as "natural looking" as possible! just like you are in everyday life. (PS- make sure all of the pics are from a party or some other super-special event that a person of your social prowess would attend regularly)

2)List a ton of shitty obscure bands as your favorites, throw in some shitty boring literature to make you look super-intellectual & top it all off with some shitty underground or over-dramatic movies. Add some over-dramatic quote that sounds deep + means jackshit to your personal existance & you're on your way!

3)Finally, check your my space every 20 minutes for forever to see if "friends" make comments about your amazing choices of music, literature & other various gay shit.


In your quest to become "unique", you have become even more cliche. You are just like all the other fuckers who make bullshit lists of bullshit in the hopes of somebody saying "Wow! you sure do like cool smart shit!". There's an easier way to be happy in your life. Remember all that shit you liked as a kid? Continue liking it for the rest of your life. The Gi Joe comics I read as a kid with Stormshadow & Snake Eyes provided me more entertainment than any of the thousand-page "brilliant masterpieces" that people like to stroke their egos with. Get on Ebay, buy Optimus Prime & set him on your desk at work....dust that Vanilla Ice CD off....download some old episodes of He Man. When did people decide that entertainment needed to be so shitty & boring?


My Space is only entertaining as comedy.
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Robert Paulson
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Re: FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS

Post by Robert Paulson » Tue Apr 04, 2006 12:14 pm

die wrote:
Memorials on Wheels- I swear if I see one more vehicle ride by with stickers saying "In Loving memory of.."
I just started to notice these damn things. I was actually going to ask this girl out and I saw she had one on the back of her car, that was a clue to me, to "GET THE FUCK OUT!!!" It was for her boyfriend that died from...excessive metrosexuality.... or something. So I guess that's a good baggage check.

I am curious if those are made one by one, or if the family orders like 12 of them, one for each car, even the ones that aren't running.


And I was at a conference this week, and the girl we went with was about to die when we couldn't get internet in the room and she couldn't check her myspace.
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Re: FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS

Post by lionheart » Tue Apr 04, 2006 1:58 pm

die wrote:Get on Ebay, buy Optimus Prime & set him on your desk at work....dust that Vanilla Ice CD off....download some old episodes of He Man. When did people decide that entertainment needed to be so shitty & boring?
Uno!

I've got a full scale replica of Sean Connery's head as young Bond on my desk, staring out at my other coworkers.

Fuck you guys. I'M JAMES FUCKING BOND.
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
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die
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Post by die » Tue Apr 04, 2006 4:23 pm

Nothing says "We are sad that you a dead" like dedicating your 1994 Toyota Camry to your cousin.

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Hey, and if they died in a traffic accident, you get to do another one of the things that also blows my mind.....roadside memorials. Yes, that's right, you get to add little wooden crosses and/or wreaths & ribbons to a spot of land where your loved ones breathed their last breath. Right there by the off ramp on the interstate, you know by the Burger King sign across from Shoney's.


Another thing I'll bitch about......Ipod

Yes, it's a cool device, but stfu already. There are like 500 different ways for me to listen to music throughout the day, excuse me if I don't lose my gottdamn mind over one new expensive way to listen to music. With the way people flip their shit over Ipod, you'd think it's a blowjob device that propels soft-serve ice cream & stocktips.


I've got a full scale replica of Sean Connery's head as young Bond on my desk, staring out at my other coworkers.
I want the 1/4 scale Connery as Bond from Sideshow. I have the 1/6 scale version & it owns. Did you know they make a full size 1:1 scale Snake Eyes bust as well :shock:
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Post by $nave » Tue Apr 04, 2006 5:31 pm

Throw "facebook" in the MySpace fire, because they are all the same thing...

First time I heard about MySpace was when newspapers started talking about pedophile stalkers, then I saw where Joe Rogan was talking smack to a kid on MySpace: By weak logic, Joe Rogan is a pedophile stalker.

MySpace users are typically under the age of 18 & emo like a motherfucker, which forced me to create the "MySpace rule" that I think older people need to consider and use: If 13 year old girls think a lot about it, then no 20+ year old person needs to have anything to do with it.

What 13 Year Old Girls Think About According to $nave:
Boy Bands, Developing Breasts, Menstruating/Tampons, Letting Boys get to 2nd Base, Chatting with Friends on MySpace, Ponies/Unicorns

Somebody told me that they signed up with MySpace because they wanted to catch up with folks, but the thing is: If you were tight before you lost touch, you will know their phone number/email address/for real address without the help of some kid hangout.

One other thing that MySpace is good for: Letting jailbait post cocktease pictures before they start their career as a webcam cocktease pr0n star.
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Post by Satan » Tue Apr 04, 2006 6:42 pm

$nave wrote:
One other thing that MySpace is good for: Letting jailbait post cocktease pictures before they start their career as a webcam cocktease pr0n star.
So, it ain't all bad then. :D
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Post by $nave » Tue Apr 04, 2006 6:43 pm

It's bad to be old and be on mySpace, but it's kool for kids
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die
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Post by die » Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:22 pm

Somebody told me that they signed up with MySpace because they wanted to catch up with folks, but the thing is: If you were tight before you lost touch, you will know their phone number/email address/for real address without the help of some kid hangout.
Screw that. I consider most of my peers to be complete douches anyways. I could care less what kind of whack shit they are in to & could care less to try to educate them on the finer things in life AKA porn.

I'd rather play some videogames, drink a beer and download some porn than to listen to some self-absorbed cockface talk about his job, new found religion, new car or whatever other boring shit holds their attention.

People don't grow up, they grow lame.

You fuckers can quote me on that shit.


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Post by Shwiggie » Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:41 pm

die wrote:Screw that. I consider most of my peers to be complete douches anyways. I could care less what kind of whack shit they are in to & could care less to try to educate them on the finer things in life AKA porn.
Which reminds me, I have a tenth-year high school reunion coming up. I'll go to talk to the two or three I gave a crap about, but the others can suck a nut or two.

The funny thing about MySpace is that I know of a guy at FSU who's 29 but uses it to stake-out college freshwomen and bolster his ongoing lie of being "only" 24.
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Post by cYnical » Tue Apr 04, 2006 9:26 pm

Sadly, I'm on MySpace.

I mainly use it as a way to get in touch with people I haven't heard from, in years.

Then again, I have Cobra Commander, The Ultimate Warrior, Unicron, and Skeletor on my friends list.

If you find the right niche, on there, it can be pretty hilarious.
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Post by $nave » Tue Apr 04, 2006 9:40 pm

I refuse to believe that Skeletor is on MySpace.
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Post by Repo Man » Tue Apr 04, 2006 9:44 pm

What ever happened to going out in the real world and meeting up with people face to face?

Myspace and blogging are creepy to me.

Why the fuck would I want to read about what somebody else did last week every day? And why do I care about keeping track of somebody who I have already decided is not worth talking to anymore?


It's summertime. Go outside and live. And then come here at night and tell me something funny.
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Post by Robert Paulson » Wed Apr 05, 2006 1:08 am

The funny thing about MySpace is that I know of a guy at FSU who's 29 but uses it to stake-out college freshwomen and bolster his ongoing lie of being "only" 24.


You say that like it's a bad thing. Stupid freshmen girls.
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cYnical wrote:The philosophical suggestion that pain don't hurt caused a paradigm shift in my life that I'm still not sure I've fully recovered from.
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Post by Acidevil » Wed Apr 05, 2006 1:20 am

Blogging, Podcasting, and Social Networking sites are all sofa king gay I want to rip my dick off, stick it into a hot dog bun and eat it just so I will stop adding to the population of the world and potential users of the aforementioned attrocities.

MySpace sucked back in 2001 when it was called Friendster. It still sucks now. In reality, though, like $nave said (sic): if you're over 30, get tha fuck offa myspace. ;)
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Post by RobotJerk » Wed Apr 05, 2006 3:52 am

This thread is awesome.
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