Btichy Roommate

THE BESTEST STUFFS OF THE EVERS!!11!
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Robert Paulson
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Post by Robert Paulson » Tue Jun 20, 2006 4:26 am

I almost just lost my shit. I think I might be the self control master at this point.

My roommate left a ton of food out in the den, and now ants are swarming over it. So they come from the outside through my room wall into the den and of course some of them come into my room looking for anything, so I sprayed the shit out of them in here. I said something to my roommate about her being a sloppy pig (in more words), and said that they were coming into my room too because of her, and her response was "they don't get into my room because I don't eat in it" which made me bite my tongue considering that I DON'T eat in here, and if she could take her plate into the damn kitchen (3 feet away) and not leave an open bag of goldfish on the coffee table, there would be no ant swarm.

Also it was her turn to buy TP for the apartment, and she bought this white sand paper John Wayne stuff, how she can afford to go to Brazil for 2 weeks but isn't able to spend an extra dollar not to make her asshole bleed is beyond me. Needless to say I bought a 4 pack of something else and hid the roll I'm using in the bathroom. When it's my turn to buy the tp I'm going to put a ream of computer paper in there with a nice little set of instructions "step 1: fold and unfold. step 2: repeat step 1 until desired softness. step 3: wipe front to back to cut down on your vagisil habit you nasty bitch. "
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"I don't make promises, I make threats" - Some yelling black lady
cYnical wrote:The philosophical suggestion that pain don't hurt caused a paradigm shift in my life that I'm still not sure I've fully recovered from.
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zer0-degrees
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Post by zer0-degrees » Tue Jun 20, 2006 3:12 pm

Do you want me to kill her for you?
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Robert Paulson
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Post by Robert Paulson » Wed Jun 21, 2006 1:07 am

zer0-degrees wrote:Do you want me to kill her for you?
if you could call and tell her her sister is dead and she needs to fly right out that would be good.
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"I don't make promises, I make threats" - Some yelling black lady
cYnical wrote:The philosophical suggestion that pain don't hurt caused a paradigm shift in my life that I'm still not sure I've fully recovered from.
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Bloodrose
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Post by Bloodrose » Wed Jun 21, 2006 1:15 am

I think that after she leaves, you should change the locks.

Then when she comes home and tries to get in, open the door, and pretend you have never seen her in your life, and say "No, I'm sorry, I don't want any Girl Scout cookies, unless they're made from real Girl Scouts." Then close the door in her face, and say loud enough for her to hear from beyond the door, "Yeah, I don't know who that crazy bitch is. Let's order Chinese food".

It would even be better if you were making sex to her mother in plain view of the door.
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die
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Post by die » Wed Jun 21, 2006 2:11 am

Put a brick in a sock & hit her in the face with it. While she's passed out let 7 guys have sex with her. It my not be that interesting of an concept right now, but it'll make for a suspenseful Springer episode one day.


As a sidenote: I have never heard of a dude complaining about the texture of toilet paper. :shock:
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cYnical
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Post by cYnical » Tue Jul 11, 2006 7:27 am

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Jesus Las Vegas
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Post by Jesus Las Vegas » Wed Jul 12, 2006 11:28 pm

die wrote: As a sidenote: I have never heard of a dude complaining about the texture of toilet paper. :shock:

Actually I can sypathise. I live with the world's stingiest Japanese girl and when I do emotionally blackmail her into buying at least SOMETHING for our house it's invariably of the crappest, five-for-one, arse-grating variety. Seriously, the small things matter.
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Repo Man
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Post by Repo Man » Fri Jul 14, 2006 12:05 am

I concur.

It's either Scott brand or do not even think about shaking my left hand.
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Shwiggie
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Post by Shwiggie » Fri Jul 14, 2006 4:13 am

Charmin Ultra for me. It's like wiping your ass with a newborn's hide.
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die
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Post by die » Fri Jul 14, 2006 2:16 pm

Charmin Ultra? Isn't that the one that has the commercial with the grizzly bears taking dumps?



This is the 1st time that I've ever been involved in this type of discussion. I feel strange all over.
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Robert Paulson
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Post by Robert Paulson » Sat Jul 15, 2006 1:36 am

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"I don't make promises, I make threats" - Some yelling black lady
cYnical wrote:The philosophical suggestion that pain don't hurt caused a paradigm shift in my life that I'm still not sure I've fully recovered from.
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Shwiggie
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Post by Shwiggie » Sun Jul 16, 2006 1:26 am

die wrote:Charmin Ultra? Isn't that the one that has the commercial with the grizzly bears taking dumps?
While wiping your ass with holly leaves and christmas trees may be more manly, anal bleeding doesn't strike me as very hetero.

I wish somebody had marketed this:
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Robert Paulson wrote:Image
You just reminded me why I don't buy Northern Tissue.
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die
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Post by die » Sun Jul 16, 2006 1:51 pm

While wiping your ass with holly leaves and christmas trees may be more manly, anal bleeding doesn't strike me as very hetero.

Ummmmmmmmm...ok then.

I was just asking about that commercial. I hate that commercial.

I never said anything about you taking one in the log cabin. :shock:


At least now I know that there are dudes with strong opinions on things like toilet paper, I never knew that before.

Connor: Dude, I really got to take a dump.
Hunter: Hey bro, there's a restroom over there
Connor: No way.... All they have in that restroom is Charmin & I'm an Angel Soft guy all the way.
Hunter: omfg are you serious!!???!!!
Connor: **cries**
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$nave
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Post by $nave » Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:41 am

fuck all the tp smack talk... whatta do to get back at the "btichey" roommate?
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Repo Man
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Post by Repo Man » Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:15 am

Dag - you haven't killed this chick yet?
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