Top 30 Facts About Mr. T

THE BESTEST STUFFS OF THE EVERS!!11!
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die
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Post by die » Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:19 pm

:lol:



Chuck Norris was the first human being to walk upon the moon. He carved his body in a combat stance on the dark side of the moon as a warning to aliens.






Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.







Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris





As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.






Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.





If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.





They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit off of anybody.



According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.




Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
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PhreakyMex
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Post by PhreakyMex » Thu Jan 12, 2006 8:09 pm

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
the above owns me for today.
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Ghas_man
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Post by Ghas_man » Thu Jan 12, 2006 10:34 pm

Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
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die
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Post by die » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:20 am

Mr.T has created a laxative. The box contains only a picture of Mr. T with his arms crossed but that image alone can make a person shit themselves.

:lol:
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Post by PhreakyMex » Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:50 pm

:4up: :4up:
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TheWholeFNShow
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Post by TheWholeFNShow » Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:15 pm

Should have seen this coming a mile away

http://www.sinfulshirts.com/customize.php?shirt=128

"If you know someone who does not like Chuck Norris, you won't know them for long"

"Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky"."

"The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!"."

"Chuck Norris once took sleeping pills. They made him blink."
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Post by $nave » Sat Jan 21, 2006 6:12 pm

Chuck Norris caused Bob Barker to get heart surgery...

http://www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/News/9910/25 ... tml#story3
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Post by TheWholeFNShow » Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:34 pm

If anyone watches 24 they have a list for Jack Bauer: http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
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Post by PhreakyMex » Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:08 pm

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Ghas_man
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Post by Ghas_man » Wed Jan 25, 2006 12:42 am

Jack Bauer is God's easy button.

Jack is just kidding. He knows who you are working for.
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Post by $nave » Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:31 pm

The Anti-Chuck Norris facts:

http://www.pointsincase.com/anti_chuck_facts.htm

Chuck Norris orders the “side salad with low-fat dressing” at a BBQ joint.

Richard Simmons once told Chuck Norris to quit acting like such a fag.

The origin of the name “Norris” is actually French. The translation of the word “Chuck” means homosexual.

Chuck Norris once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming “I’m too young to die!” the whole way.

As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.

Chuck Norris tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he’s really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just kind of laid there.

Chuck Norris once went into a bar and was heard saying, “I’ll have Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”

Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
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Post by lionheart » Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:50 pm

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
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die
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Post by die » Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:02 pm

I like when young chuck gave the woman her purse back & then stole on her :lol:
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Ghas_man
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Post by Ghas_man » Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:47 pm

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

All your information are belong to Jack Bauer
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Post by die » Tue Jan 31, 2006 5:36 pm

Ghas_man wrote:Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
I have never watched 24 in my life, nor do I even know what it is about, but I know that was good.


and so was this...

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.



some of these were pretty damn good.....

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.


Jack Bauer did better than Zack Morris on his SATs... he got a 1503.



If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.


When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.


Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".


Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.


Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.


If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.


Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.


If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.


Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.


What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.


Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.


When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.


Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.


Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.


In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.



Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."


Most children slept with a teddy bear and blanket when they were young, Jack Bauer did the same thing but with a real bear.



Strippers tip Jack Bauer.


If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.


Jack Bauer once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword." Jack
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