How To Get Pussy

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SoVi3t
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How To Get Pussy

Post by SoVi3t » Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:49 pm

Just so poor Repo can see what a bergina looks like (and perhaps get himself a new joke), here are some patented tricks. Most of this shit works, and hopefully it gives you an insight into how good I am at this shit. FYI- I fucked that hot girl at work I wanted to...boo yah!

These mainly are for when you go to a bar or a club.

Carry smokes. Even if you don't smoke, flash em off. They're a great conversation started (go to an outside smoking area, and offer a girl a smoke). If a girl is willing to get lung cancer, she's willing to get an STD, if you catch my drift.

Carry Pez. That shit is a magical pussy wand.

Never hit on girls that are in pairs. ESPECIALLY if one of the pair is fucking ugly. Cuz the girl you didn't hit on is going to cut you up bad behind your back due to the fact you aren't hitting on her. Also avoid "girl's night out" situations.

Don't walk around by yourself. You look like a fucking stalker.

Have a trick/gimmick. I use zippo tricks.

Beware what you are talking about. Telling a story about a bar fight or some wound you have probably wont get you dick all.

Break the touch barrier. Once you can touch a girl (shake her hand, put your hand on her shoulder, etc), things just flow easier.

Let her know that you have female friends (even if you don't). Girls trust other girls more than anything else, even if they're catty people.

Talk quietly. Even in a loud ass bar, talk quiet. If you're shouting and shit, you either come off as bossy, a dick, or drunk.

Look like today is the greatest day in your life. Girls will literally beg to know why you're so damned happy.

SPEND SPEND SPEND! Girls demand to be treated like royalty, so if you want to bring 'em home, be prepared to show that you have a lot of bills in your wallet, and that you're willing to spend them. This brings me to my next point.

Feed her drinks! The drunker she gets, the less chance she'll give a fuck what happens later on. However, after you start feeling a buzz, switch to water or something. The last thing you want is your drunk ass fucking up.

Women are competitive. Take advantage of this. Make sure you point out how much better her earrings are than some other girls. Or whatever.
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n-MITY
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Post by n-MITY » Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:59 pm

SoVi3t wrote:Carry Pez. That shit is a magical pussy wand.
You Canadians are weird bastards. Pez only gets you pussy here if you're a pedophile. :P
"I don't want to completely destroy you, I hope that through our arguments you become smarter and/or more like myself."--die
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RobotJerk
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Post by RobotJerk » Tue Sep 06, 2005 2:20 am

Feed her drinks! The drunker she gets, the less chance she'll give a fuck what happens later on.
There's only about a 90% chance of that backfiring.
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Robert Paulson
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Post by Robert Paulson » Tue Sep 06, 2005 2:24 am

RobotJerk wrote:
Feed her drinks! The drunker she gets, the less chance she'll give a fuck what happens later on.
There's only about a 90% chance of that backfiring.
or she gets so sloppy that you don't want it with her anymore. Nothing hotter than a girl that's just barfed.
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$nave
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Post by $nave » Tue Sep 06, 2005 3:37 am

Sovi3t just saved everybody the cost of a Maxim subscription... you just spouted their "score everytime" methods from the start of the magazine
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Repo Man
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Re: How To Get Pussy

Post by Repo Man » Tue Sep 06, 2005 3:52 am

Good Lord in Heaven. Where to begin.


Sovi3t acted as if we cared and wrote:FYI- I fucked that hot girl at work I wanted to...boo yah!
Me and my co-workers had an office pool on this one. I had ten minutes after he brought it up.


These mainly are for when you go to a bar or a club.
Or for a message board where you need to come off as the second coming of Leonardo DiCaprio-post Titanic.

Carry smokes. Even if you don't smoke, flash em off. They're a great conversation started (go to an outside smoking area, and offer a girl a smoke). If a girl is willing to get lung cancer, she's willing to get an STD, if you catch my drift.
Nothing better than kissing a dirty ashtray. I say fuck it - carry around a tin of dip. Maybe you can get her to snowball you a mix of jit and chewing tobacco.

Have a trick/gimmick. I use zippo tricks.
I only wish God would bless me with the good timing to see some tool walking around flipping his lighter off his knuckles.

Beware what you are talking about. Telling a story about a bar fight or some wound you have probably wont get you dick all.
Hold up. What? Dick?

SPEND SPEND SPEND! Girls demand to be treated like royalty, so if you want to bring 'em home, be prepared to show that you have a lot of bills in your wallet, and that you're willing to spend them. This brings me to my next point.
Nothing better than seeing a group of girls leeching drinks off a poor sucker with an erection.

Feed her drinks! The drunker she gets, the less chance she'll give a fuck what happens later on. However, after you start feeling a buzz, switch to water or something. The last thing you want is your drunk ass fucking up.
Nice rap. Get her drunk. Wow.

You just invented the wheel.


Thank you for my new jokes.
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SoVi3t
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Post by SoVi3t » Tue Sep 06, 2005 4:59 am

0
0
-5
3
-10
1
10

your jokes, on a scale of 1 to 10

and yet again, I don't try to come across as anything besides what I am. Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful :P
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Robert Paulson
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Post by Robert Paulson » Tue Sep 06, 2005 9:31 am

I say fuck it - carry around a tin of dip. Maybe you can get her to snowball you a mix of jit and chewing tobacco.
:takeit: pwned
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cYnical wrote:The philosophical suggestion that pain don't hurt caused a paradigm shift in my life that I'm still not sure I've fully recovered from.
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Post by Ghas_man » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:27 am

SPEND SPEND SPEND!
after deciphering among the bullshit, this is the most bullshittiest.
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die
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Post by die » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:15 pm

Sovi3t starting a thread about how to get pussy is like Andy Dick starting a thread about how to be a successful UFC cage fighter.
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Repo Man
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Post by Repo Man » Thu Sep 08, 2005 4:09 pm

Nice.

Sovi3t starting a thread about how to get pussy is like Kurt Cobain starting a thread on how to be alive.
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lionheart
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Post by lionheart » Thu Sep 08, 2005 8:04 pm

Bueno.

Sovi3t starting a thread about how to get pussy is like that fat shit Dr. Phil telling people how to diet.

Oh, wait a minute...
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
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die
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Post by die » Thu Sep 08, 2005 10:06 pm

Did I mention "zippo tricks" actually made me laugh out loud in my office?

Good thing people at work already thought I was crazy.
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Repo Man
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Post by Repo Man » Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:54 am

Please move this to the classics.

That crazy lying russian scumbag made me laugh all over again with "zippo tricks."
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n-MITY
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Post by n-MITY » Fri Oct 06, 2006 6:07 am

The initial intro is too memorable. Classics-bound.
"I don't want to completely destroy you, I hope that through our arguments you become smarter and/or more like myself."--die
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