The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

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Zytorg777
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by Zytorg777 » Sun Nov 18, 2012 4:23 pm

well played.
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SoVi3t
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by SoVi3t » Sun Nov 18, 2012 5:57 pm

Zytorg777 wrote:I am sorry, I forgot to mention that I referenced Red Dawn to say that the army didnt invade Canada, because Canadians as a general rule, suck and are lame.

Carry on.

actually they came in through Canada according to the movie. If you had an attention span or IQ greater than a four year old poodle, you'd know that.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by Zytorg777 » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:40 pm

all I hear is

Blah Blah Blah
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die
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by die » Mon Nov 25, 2013 4:27 pm

This news is going in the Unofficial thread:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/65233

I will not accept it as a truth until there is an actual trailer for the film.

Jason Statham or The Rock as choices for Dalton? Hell to the fuck naw, son. They better have some major advancements in CGI mullets.

I can't come up with ANYBODY to play Dalton besides Swayze.

Robotjerk casting call to thread.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by cYnical » Mon Nov 25, 2013 5:44 pm

There is only one option, the only man alive who has the capability to grow an appropriate mullet- Billy Ray Cyrus.

But they'll probably cast Marky Mark or Johnny Knoxsville.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by SoVi3t » Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:32 pm

Who the fuck wants to watch this white trash movie get remade? Maybe this time the bad guy can own a Walmart instead of a JC Penny.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by die » Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:37 pm

Billy Ray Cyrus is too old and he is a shitty actor. If he let his mullet go full grey and learned karate then he could audition for the role of Wade Garret.

They better just cut Thor's hair into a mullet and teach him some kung fu.

Kate Upton needs to be Denise.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by cYnical » Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:43 pm

You do realize there's only one big time actor right now that's A) considered a heartthrob, B) is a former dancer turned actor, C) an action star, and D) age appropriate. Right?

That's right. The only logical choice is your boy Duke, aka: Channing Tatum.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by die » Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:11 pm

:shock:


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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by cYnical » Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:22 pm

Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by die » Mon Nov 25, 2013 10:45 pm

Tatum could never rock the mullet though.

You put a wig on this kid and he looks like Lloyd Christmas if he was a high-school quarterback stoner.


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no mullet - no Road House
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Robert Paulson
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by Robert Paulson » Tue Nov 26, 2013 1:21 am

Maybe it'll be like the Footloose remake and no one will give two shits.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by die » Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:25 am

It's only different because this is Road House we are talking about and I didn't give a shit about the first Footloose.

This is like a pop culture dickslap
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by Robert Paulson » Tue Nov 26, 2013 9:15 am

I'm just trying to be optimistic. Steven King got them to re-do the Shining with that dude from Wings. No one even blinked. Russell Brand re-did Authur, and it flopped. Colin "what a shitty actor" Farrell re-did Total Recall, and they avoided making money with it (and that had Kate Beckinsale, and I'd pretty much watch her silently read the newspaper for two hours).

I hope that people not giving Hollywood any money for these re-makes discourages them from making them. But yeah the shitty part is the dude doing Roadhouse is going to get some big name action-y dudes. He directed xXx, and Too Gay Too Curious both with Vin Diesel...

So here's my casting

Dalton - Justin Timberlake
Doc - Miley Cyrus
Wade Garrett - Vin Diesel
Brad Wesley - Eric Roberts
Emmet - Terry Funk
Frank the Bar Owner - Sofia Veragara
Red - Tyler Perry
Jeff Healey - 2Pac style Hologram of Jeff Healey
Tinker - Seth Rogan in a fat Suit
And Jonah Hill has to be one of the bouncers

BTW If they do end up makings this movie, I curse Hollywood to remake Casablanca and Citizen Kane as Baz Luhrmann Hip-Hoperas in the same year.
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Re: The Unofficial ROADHOUSE Thread

Post by die » Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:14 pm

Tinker - Seth Rogan in a fat Suit
Or as I like to call him "Seth Rogen in 2007"

The current version is Meth Rogen and his sidekick Jonah Pills

Speaking of meth, I think the part of Jeff Healey should be played by Jeff Hardy, his band Peroxwhy?gen could play behind chicken wire at the Double Deuce.

I accept that the first Road House was a joke, but it was a good joke. It has to have just the right mix of white trash, badass, titties and cheese to work. If you get one ingredient wrong or off by the slightest measurement and you end up with dickbreaking failure.

Look at The Fast and The Bi-Curious since you mentioned it.... it's got gay undertones and it comes across as gay. In Road House, Jimmy actually says "I used to fuck guys like you in prison" and his toughness rating actually doubles.

That's genius right there.
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