BATMAN bin SUPARMAN: DAWN OF JUST STOP

My only wish is that TBS becomes the "Roadhouse" channel... then the circle will be complete
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by SoVi3t » Thu Mar 31, 2016 7:25 pm

die wrote:Imagine you're Superman... Wouldn't you want to save your own mom rather than leaving it up to the dude who almost killed you?
It's not even like it would take long for Superman. He's invincible, and moves fast enough to just smash into the building, snatch her up, and fly her to Hawaii, while Batman asks Alfred to put on some tea.

Batman instead goes to save her, takes a couple minutes to beat up some dudes, then BLOWS A GUY UP WHO IS STANDING INCHES AWAY FROM MARTHA KENT.

Bruce: Hey I am back, why is this asshole cosplaying as the troll from Lord of the RIngs?
Clark: Hey, how's my mom?
Bruce: Oh, she's dead, sorry. I beat the fuck out of 20 guys, but the last guy was wearing a flamethrower (????) right next to her, and I had to blow him up. I was really thinking your mom was invincible like you, and not one of us squishy meat bags. So, who's this hot chick?
You would think that a movie of this magnitude, that has been thought about and dreamed about for years would come with an airtight plot.
Kevin Smith put it well. It's like Snyder read Death of Superman and Dark Knight Returns, and decided he liked those Superman fights, and decided to base the entire movie around them. The rest was just filler that he put hardly any thought into.
Also, the cop that tried to murder Batman with a shotgun just turned right towards his partner and almost murdered him at point blank range and they were both acting like it happens all the time and HEY, WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?
I really wasn't aware cops went into situations with shotguns. But yeah, his partner was pretty cool about almost eating buckshot.
but yeah, even that chubby hack admitted the movie had no heart (OUTSIDE OF BEN AFFLECK'S ENORMOUS GREAT ACTING HEART, OF COURSE)

He was 1000000000% correct when he said this universe is humourless. No matter what little issues I come up with, whether it be Lois Lane being the ultimate McGuffin, Lex Luthor portraying the wrong DC villain, or the incoherent plot, my major gripe is the universe itself. Nothing is happy. Everything is dark and brooding. If I lived in this Earth, and suddenly you have Superpowered aliens and monsters destroying chunks of cities, I would have eaten a bullet a long time ago.

I don't think Superman smiled or said anything uplifting the whole movie. Instead he threatens to murder more people and pouts.

For most of these movies, he doesn't save anybody except Lois Lane. In fact, the one time he probably shouldn't have been saving people (when he was investigating Bruce Wayne), he instead decides to fly across the world because he happens to see some building on fire in Guatemala? REALLY??? Like he just suddenly remembers, oh shit I save people who aren't named Lois Lane. Don't even get me started on the people begging for their lives on their roof during a flood, as he hovers above them and fucking poses.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
Zytorg777
Posts: 3098
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:19 am

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by Zytorg777 » Thu Mar 31, 2016 8:50 pm

Image
Image
"Getting that sincere heel heat from 40 year old virgins since 2009 because of my bachelors degree with honors"
User avatar
RobotJerk
Posts: 7037
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:24 am
Location: I'm just here so I won't get fined.

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by RobotJerk » Fri Apr 01, 2016 3:49 am

The nonsense has been quantified.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: 19 things that don't make sense in this nonsensical movie
http://www.vox.com/2016/3/26/11308944/b ... s-nonsense" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

"Only 19?"
-everyone
Image
User avatar
Zytorg777
Posts: 3098
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:19 am

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by Zytorg777 » Fri Apr 01, 2016 6:25 pm

Image

Image
Image
"Getting that sincere heel heat from 40 year old virgins since 2009 because of my bachelors degree with honors"
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by die » Sat Apr 02, 2016 5:34 pm

The dick kissing continues...

https://www.yahoo.com/movies/kevin-smit ... 12072.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
RobotJerk
Posts: 7037
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:24 am
Location: I'm just here so I won't get fined.

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by RobotJerk » Sat Apr 02, 2016 9:19 pm

Number of times Kevin Smith name drops Ben Affleck: EVERYTIME HE GETS A CHANCE.

Number of times Ben Affleck has publicly acknowledged Kevin Smith even existing, since 2004: FUCKING ZERO.


So I guess I'm saying someone might want to look into a restraining order.
Image
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by die » Sat Apr 02, 2016 9:38 pm

Fuuuccckk, you ain't lying.

Affleck hasn't even made a cameo on Comicbook Men, has he?

Fucking Mewes ran the store on an episode, didn't he? :lol:
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
RobotJerk
Posts: 7037
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:24 am
Location: I'm just here so I won't get fined.

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by RobotJerk » Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:45 pm

RobotJerk wrote:Image
Someone took this one step further.

Image
Image
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by die » Mon Apr 04, 2016 5:00 am

That gif just elevated that joke to godlike status in my mind.

Oh, I watched the Red Letter Media review of BvS and it is epic.

Plus, I watched some of the Kevin Smith review, he really does suck this movie's dick way too hard. I'm not sure if this guy ever really was a comicbook fan in real life. I'm thinking it's an elaborate troll.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by SoVi3t » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:49 pm

well, we could have had a worse Doomsday:

http://www.comicbookresources.com/artic ... te-designs" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Image
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
Repo Man
Posts: 2240
Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2004 6:09 pm
Location: Would you eat the moon if it was made of barbecue spareribs?

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by Repo Man » Tue Apr 05, 2016 3:25 am

So I know I'm late with my review but here it goes...

Best parts
1) Batman punching Superman repeatedly and it begins to sounds like metal when the Kryptonite wears off

2) Wonder Woman (even though she can't fill out her suit)


Worst parts
1) Lex Luthor
Snyder is on record saying Eisenberg read for the Jimmy Olsen part, but impressed him so much he made him Lex Luthor. This makes total sense to use the actor reading for "cub reporter" and move him over to "criminal mastermind". Burton had his Keaton. Nolan had his Ledger. Now every director is trying to find THEIRS. Guess what? It doesn't always work. I heard the Breaking Bad guy was in line to play Luthor. That seems like perfect "Jack Nicholson as The Joker" casting. So why not go with it? Instead we get Jesse Eisenberg doing an impression of goofy director Max Landis (yes, he admitted that was his inspiration). Eisenberg is approaching Ryan Reynolds territory where he only plays one character in every movie. Eisenberg is neurotic, twitchy wise-cracker IN EVERY FUCKING MOVIE.

2) Why is everyone a different age in this movie?
Lex Luthor is about 20. Superman is about 30. Batman is supposed to be in his late 40's.

3) The Frank Miller comic
I get it Zack. You liked Frank Miller's Batman comic. Here's the reality. That fucking comic movie was 3x the movie your live action shitshow was. AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE THAT VERSION OF BATMAN. An old Batman who is a big goof is silly. Batman is jacked, but he's smart as balls. He's a detective. Batman ran around this movie like he was a meathead.

4) Ben Affleck as Batman
He was fine as Batman. I knew he would be, but it was LAZY casting to make him Batman. And it did a great disservice to Henry Cavill. Imagine Cavill being like, "Fuckin A, I got the Superman gig. I'm going to shine when we do that Batman v Sup....what? They cast Affleck as Batman? FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK." Was there any way that Affleck was NOT going to outshine Cavill in this movie? The sad part is, out of the 3 heroes (and Eisenberg), Cavill looks the MOST like the character he's portraying.

5) I hate you for the whole movie, but wait, our moms have the same name? We just became best friends.

6) The Batman iron suit was just dumb. There's no way he should've been able to keep up with Superman...but BECAUSE WE CAST AFFLECK, WE HAVE TO MAKE IT EVEN.

7) Batman looks stupid with a gun. It felt like The Punisher playing Batman.


Final thought: I laughed when i read the WB executive who pointed to how much money the movie made and said that showed the disconnect between the critics and the fans. I saw the movie, the critics got this one right.
Image
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by die » Tue Apr 05, 2016 3:10 pm

The thing about Batfleck is that people are basically surprised that within the last few years Affleck is able to do ANYTHING and not come across as the same exact douche he played in Mallrats or Armageddon. He was forced on us, we all immediately thought HEY IS MATT DAMON GONNA BE ROBIN LOLOL and/or will he be wisecracking-dick Batman. Well, here is the entire internet surprised that he didn't wreck the movie.

But is that really a major accomplishment?

I still somehow in the back of my mind, hate that it's Affleck.

I mean, just try to look at that shot of him as Bruce, making a face like he just saw a snuff porn.

Image

like he's about to vomit, but can't look away.


He looked like Batman though, he had the build, size, etc. but that's not some major accomplishment... they could've cast somebody like Joe Manganiello.

He's pretty much 100% the same guy as Affleck, he even was a Marvel character earlier in his career just like Affleck...

Image

He's around the same age, he has the Vintage Nick Fury grey winged hair and everything. The Bonus: He has a much less punchable face and persona than Affleck across the board. Joe could've probably did just a good or even a better job as Batman, but mainly, I'd just like to force Kevin Smith into an honest critique more than anything. The worst thing about Batman in this was that there was far too much Bruce Wayne throughout the entire film. I'd prefer they just show him as Bruce 1 time. Less is always better with mysterious masked characters.


I could think of a better movie than what we got in like 5 minutes...


First off, like Repo said, Cranston was everybody's logical choice for Lex. He would've been perfect. I'd have no problem with Jesse Eisenberg being Young Lex and giving him a side role as Lex's smart ass hipster son, it could work perfectly. Also, fuck the whole plot of Superman tearing up Wayne's office in Metropolis... Try this: Batman doesn't trust Superman because he murdered Zod. There's ALL the motivation that you need, right there. No matter how much good Superman does, no matter how many lives he saves, he murdered somebody. So, let's say Wanye Industries goes into a joint venture with Lexcorp. Superman knows Wayne is Batman, of course he does, but Supes had no reason to not trust Batman until now (because of the deal with Lex). So now you have Batman and Superman at odds, not trusting each other. Now, Wayne would work with Lex because Lex built a mechsuit (powered by Kryptonite, perhaps???) and Batman needs to build a suit to face Supes eventually, one day...just in case, you know.

This is where you could have Supes confront Batman, rip the canopy off of the Batmobile and bring up the Lex shit... well, of course Batman has to conceal the truth because he's looking for a way to beat Superman. So, Batman changes the topic to the murder of Zod, to which Superman becomes somewhat emotional, because hey, he did have to kill somebody and yes, he struggles with that (well, not in Snyder's BvS, but come on, right?)

Again, throw in 1 or 2 small sequences with Bruce Wayne, but don't make him James Bond for 65% of the movie and stupid shit like that, right??????

So, what's Lex's motivation? The REAL Lex, Cranston??? Instead of the nergasm-enducing pointless dream sequences, have Superman not trusting Lex and shutting down a ton of Lex's operations for being criminal activity. Really make Superman a thorn in Lex's side. You could even have Lex with some terminal illness and onto a cure that involves Kryptonian technology or something (which would be a nice nod to Breaking Bad, of course). Also, I don't think Superman would allow the alien ship to just stay in the city like that, that is stupid. So, let's say Supes moves the ship to the Fortress of Solitude (instead of building rock castles in dreams with Mr. Brooks). So, Lex's quest could be for the ship and ultimately the body of Zod.

So, let's say Lex uses the mechsuit and finds & retrieves Zod's body... he then launches Zod's body in a capsule into the sun. Let's say he's able to do all of this because Batman has reached his goal and put together his suit and confronted Superman. so you got Bats VS Supes happening and then a BOOM. Luthor has brought Zod himself back to life by using the power of the sun and Lexcorp tech. So now, 2 things happen... Batman and Supes have to quit fighting and battle Lex and Zod, right? Plus, also Superman isn't a murderer anymore and Batman realizes that he underestimated Lex and made a mistake. So, they had a solid reason to fight and a solid reason to team up. Then you have Batman in his armor fighting Lex in his mechsuit while Superman has to face a recharged Zod.

If you wanted to include any other Justice League members, you could have an earlier scene where Batman approaches Wonder Woman for help if Superman ever becomes a serious threat and maybe she says she isn't getting involved and wants to remain hidden. You could have her show up during the end battle and save the day against Zod. Also, I think Flash would work if you hinted that he is time travelling and trying to warn Batman about Doomsday. Perhaps have Flash show up in "flashes" and reflections, etc... real subtle, ya know? Maybe have Batman think that "Doomsday" means a nuclear war or something catastrophic rather than an actual "being".

Once Zod got reanimated, you could have a subtle scene where the alien ship sends out a signal... so later, when Zod is defeated you could have a scene of Doomsday arriving in the containment suit and set up the next film.


give me some money.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by SoVi3t » Tue Apr 05, 2016 6:38 pm

I think re-animated Zod would have made more sense as Bizarro instead of Doomsday.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by die » Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:01 pm

Wonder Woman with a dick would've made more sense than Zodsday.


and ANGRY SNAPPING CRAB GOTHQUAMAN
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: BATMAN V SUPERMAN V EVERY DC CHARACTER EVER

Post by SoVi3t » Tue Apr 05, 2016 11:38 pm

Batman V Superman V Zodsday possible new thread title. Got damn I can't not call him that now.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
Post Reply