Cinematic Disasterpieces

My only wish is that TBS becomes the "Roadhouse" channel... then the circle will be complete
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Zytorg777
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Zytorg777 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 2:14 pm

Sovi3t is talking the WWE produced films.
Fair enough!
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die
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Tue Nov 20, 2012 2:43 pm

Just saw some new movie they got coming out last night during Raw called "The Day."

post apocalyptic type shit, I didn't see any wrestlers in the trailer.

Direct-to-dvd, probably not going to be good.
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SoVi3t
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Thu Nov 22, 2012 9:10 pm

Got damn I forgot about Suburban Commando. Undertaker is in that with a baby voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ7c2N_GHp4
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die
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Mon Nov 26, 2012 8:26 pm

ok, so everybody knows I'm a huge fan of the Coreys. Dream a Little Dream was a great movie, but Dream A Little Dream 2 was dick cancer caught on film.

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Storyline
Dinger and Bobby's adventure start when a pair of magical sunglasses arrive at the door. Their mundane lives in L.A. get a crazy twist-but soon enough, they've got thugs on their trail who want the valuable pair for themselves. Under hot pursuit, it's one crazy antic after another as the troublesome twosome scramble to keep their hot commodity out of the wrong hands.
Bobby Keller: She's a very sexy woman and any man would think so.
Rachel Holfield: Yeah, any man who thinks with his dick.
If you have Netflix, this movie is on there. I dare you to watch it.
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SoVi3t
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Tue Nov 27, 2012 1:03 am

die wrote:ok, so everybody knows I'm a huge fan of the Coreys.
not gonna lie, I stopped reading right there. And got a boner.
If you have Netflix, this movie is on there. I dare you to watch it.
challenge accepted. However, is it advisable I see the first movie first? How should I approach this?


Also, Die, I counter your previous dino movie, with Planet of the Dinosaurs. Epic fucking movie, especially the ending where 4 dudes and 3 women live "happily" ever after stranded on another planet, starting a new society. Yeah, that fourth guy must be thrilled. Also, it's the last attempt at stop motion animation in a movie, or at least it should have fucking been.

Also, don't let women handle guns, they will fuck shit up every time.
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die
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Tue Nov 27, 2012 2:17 pm

I think it would be good to see the first one for the contrast. The first one is the Coreys at their best, being themselves. It's basically your classic "so bad that it's good" movie. The second one is just an utter shitstorm.

The chick in the first one has stunning tits.

I'll have to track down Planet of the Dinosaurs, is it on Netflix by any chance?
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Tue Nov 27, 2012 3:04 pm

should be on netflix. I just stream everything via letmewatchthis.com
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:43 pm

Has everybody here seen Enter The Ninja?


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It is so awesomely bad that your mind will be blown. I heart it.


And if you do happen to enjoy movies that try to convince you that regular white dudes are total badasses in martial arts movies filled with Asians, let me direct your soul to: Showdown in Little Tokyo....

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Hey, there's a Swedish Chef right? Gotta be skilled with the blades, right?

Fuck, might as well be a samurai!

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Also, Brandon Lee delivers one of the most horrible lines ever captured on film in this masterpiece. I think every person involved in this film must have had strong hatred for Bruce Lee. They must have been huge Chuck Norris fans or something.

I remember being so pissed off at the way they did Brandon Lee in this, dude was clearly the star that never was allowed to shine in this.
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Shwiggie
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Shwiggie » Fri Nov 30, 2012 5:27 am

In Dolph's defense, he was a European karate champ, and he killed Apollo Creed and Skeletor.

Speaking of which, the MOTU movie is absolutely terrible.
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:43 pm

MOTU movie raped my childhood when it was still my childhood.


Try this:



Steele Justice

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THA MUTHAFUCKIN VIETNAMESE MAFIA, SON!!!!!

They will come to your house...break your legs and eat your dog.

John Steele is a Vietnam Vet who's had trouble adjusting to life after the war. He hasn't been able to hold on to a job which includes being a cop. When his best friend, Lee who also served with him in Vietnam, and who also became a cop was killed by some drug dealers he was investigating. Steele was able to save his daughter and saw one of the shooters. He later sees him and learns that he is the son of General Kwan, another person he served with in Vietnam who was running his own deals on the side, and who tried to kill Steele and Lee but Steele not only survived but thwarted his last plan. Steele suspects Kwan is involved with Lee's death but unfortunately Kwan's a respected member of the community. And Steele's former boss Bennett is not in a rush to find the killers cause investigation reveals that Lee may have been dirty which Steele knows is not true. Steele sets out to prove Lee's innocence and to get Kwan.
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VAL KILMER GEAR SOLID 3: SNAKEWEARER

Even his scope has a knife to stab you with somehow. And fuck it anyways, I mean how much extra shit can you add onto a shotgun before you have a Swiss-Army-Shotgun?

his ninja sword came from DOLLAR TREE.

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The flat ass in this scene trumps whatever I was going to say.

It stars the action star that never was; Martin Kove. Most of you may remember him as the douchebag sensei of the Kobra-Kai from Karate Kid, I remember him as BOOTLEG HAN SOLO. In every movie I've seen him in he talks and makes faces like his acting background consisted entirely of attending 1 class at The Han Solo Academy of Acting and Charisma. But yeah, this movie is classic '80's cheese from start to finish, it hits all the marks. You'll recognize the entire cast from every other '80's action flick of that time period, I promise.


If you can find the alternate cover art, he's performing a perfect headshot on Yao Ming or Bionic Bigfoot.

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well, maybe not perfect but he is wearing a coral snake as an ascott and he has shotgun shells on his bicep area. He accesorizes on par with Dog The Bounty Hunter.
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Zytorg777
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Zytorg777 » Sun Dec 02, 2012 5:01 pm

^ that review leaned me.
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SoVi3t
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Tue Dec 04, 2012 11:14 pm

Even as a child who easily was amazed by everything, even Zytorg's mother's double vagina's, the MOTU movie was a slap in the face and a knee in the balls.

Dwarves with keyboards, Courtney Cox, He-Man without Cringer/Battlecat, no Eternia. What the shit? I am still awaiting the next live action one.


Should we even discuss Troll 2???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyophYBP_w4
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Repo Man » Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:56 am

die wrote:ok, so everybody knows I'm a huge fan of the Coreys. Dream a Little Dream was a great movie, but Dream A Little Dream 2 was dick cancer caught on film.

If you have Netflix, this movie is on there. I dare you to watch it.

This movie is the classic example of backstage people telling the Coreys that they were witty and cool. I can see them re-writing this entire script because "they knew better."

Only good point of this movie: LENA DRAGO. The hot brunette who steals the glasses from Feldman.
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Repo Man » Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:58 am

die wrote:I remember being so pissed off at the way they did Brandon Lee in this, dude was clearly the star that never was allowed to shine in this.
EXACTLY.
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SoVi3t
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Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Sun Dec 09, 2012 7:40 am

I'm gonna throw out the 2 Fantastic Four nightmares.....I mean movies.

First one was pretty fucking awful (Fox changes shit SOOOO bad in their Marvel movies). Doom being fine all the time, not getting scarred as a student with Reed (to setup a life long hatred), not the king of Latveria, and getting fucking super powers to throw lightning, and Thing being shorter than fucking Sue Storm, and Reed hitting on an 8 year old Sue, all made this fucked.

Part 2 was awful because ALL the Silver Surfer did was fly around, and Galactus was a fucking cloud. And Doom gets fucking healed. What the shit?

Marvel needs to literally just pay Fox money and get their movie rights back.
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