Cinematic Disasterpieces

My only wish is that TBS becomes the "Roadhouse" channel... then the circle will be complete
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Fri Nov 16, 2012 12:38 am

So, I sent die a pm earlier, and for once it didn't have naked pictures of me. I recommended the Oscar worthy movie, known only as Birdemic. This movie, which must have been created by either an evil genius, or a high school phys ed class, is probably my #1 all time favourite worst movie. This makes Troll 2 look like Aliens. I couldn't even handle the main movie (it takes FORTY minutes for ANYTHING resembling a movie to actually happen, or for a single bird to show up). Oh, and all birds, even normal birds that just fly around, are 'cgi'. And by cgi, I mean they were designed on a playstation, and do nothing besides hover.

I had to watch the rifftrax version, so here's some clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQVv_qNKkQQ

I challenge anybody to find something worse than this.

Trivia: the cast and crew at the end of the movie was MADE UP BY THE DIRECTOR to make it seem more 'professional'. Also, it was rejected by the Sundance film festival.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Fri Nov 16, 2012 3:27 am

Ok, that's pretty shitbad right there. I stay watching horrible shit movies, so off the top of my head let me recommend Dinosaur Island.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncnJ2C6k ... ata_player


It is from 1994 but the special effects look like they are from 1924. I love the crazy numbers they throw at us in the trailer.... By 100 women, they mean 20 and by 1000 dinosaurs they mean 6. How can this come out right after Jurassic Park and look like this? Lol

This movie is total ass but the titties save it.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Fri Nov 16, 2012 3:44 am

Holy shit, that reminds me of Carnosaur (which also came out around Jurassic Park). Some of those tits look incredible, I might have to attempt to watch that.


Still nowhere near as bad as Birdemic. The women in birdemic have 'sex' scenes where they wear swimsuits for some reason.....and its winter time....even though everybody is carving pumpkins. And they CGI'd in the puffs of fire and smoke from the gun barrels. Oh, and the fires in the movie were also CGI'd in. How do you fuck up fire in a movie? That isn't even supposed to be a special effect.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Fri Nov 16, 2012 2:40 pm

Damn, that sounds awful :lol:

I gotta watch that.

There are only like 39 movies that top it at the bottom of IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom


These are epic:

Image
Rubber is a 2010 French comedy film about a tire that comes to life and kills people with its psychic powers. It was directed and written by Quentin Dupieux. The film was shown at the 2010 Cannes Film Festival.


Image
Bitten is a 2008 low budget vampire film that stars Jason Mewes, as a paramedic who rescues Danika, a female vampire, from an alley way.
Paulson needs to come in here, I know he's got some solid picks.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
Zytorg777
Posts: 3098
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:19 am

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Zytorg777 » Fri Nov 16, 2012 3:41 pm

Image
Image
"Getting that sincere heel heat from 40 year old virgins since 2009 because of my bachelors degree with honors"
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Fri Nov 16, 2012 11:33 pm

Zytorg777 wrote:Image

fail



I am trying to make it through The Room right now. How could i turn it down, when it's been called "The Citizen Cane of bad movies." Random sideplots that go nowhere makes a movie fun.


from IMDB:
The original script was significantly longer than the one used during filming, and featured a series of lengthy monologues; it was edited on-set by the cast and script-supervisor, who found much of the dialogue incomprehensible. Speaking to Entertainment Weekly, one anonymous cast member claimed that the script contained "stuff that was just unsayable. I know it's hard to imagine there was stuff that was worse. But there was." [1] The script is characterized by numerous inexplicable mood and personality shifts in characters, such as a scene in which Johnny walks onto the roof in the middle of a violent tirade about being accused of domestic abuse, only to become cheerful abruptly upon seeing Mark. Greg Sestero maintains that Wiseau was adamant characters say their lines the way they were written, but that several cast members managed to slip in ad libs that ended up in the final cut of the film.[11] Wiseau overdubbed many of his own lines for unknown reasons, with the new dialogue not matching up to the movements of his character's mouth.
Much of the dialogue is repetitious, especially that of Johnny, whose speech is partially composed of a series of catchphrases: He begins almost every conversation in the film with the salutation, "Oh, hi!" and ends many conversations by saying "That's the idea." Almost every male character in the film has dialogue discussing Lisa's physical attractiveness, including an unnamed friend of Johnny's whose only line of dialogue in the film is "Lisa looks hot tonight." Additionally, despite the significant amount of dialogue regarding Johnny and Lisa's forthcoming wedding, no character ever uses the words "fiancé" or "fiancée", only referring to Johnny as Lisa's "future husband" or Lisa as Johnny's "future wife". The line "Don't worry about it!" is also used in almost every scene.
and there is a character who just randomly shows up, and something fucked up is either said by him, or done by him. With little or no explanation, or followup.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
lionheart
Posts: 2105
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:22 am
Location: Masshole
Contact:

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by lionheart » Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:52 pm

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/547307

An entire point and click adventure game based on The Room, complete with Titties!

The game is absolutely fucking insane, and not in a good way.
"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost!"
User avatar
Repo Man
Posts: 2240
Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2004 6:09 pm
Location: Would you eat the moon if it was made of barbecue spareribs?

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Repo Man » Sun Nov 18, 2012 1:08 am

die wrote:Ok, that's pretty shitbad right there. I stay watching horrible shit movies, so off the top of my head let me recommend Dinosaur Island.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncnJ2C6k ... ata_player


It is from 1994 but the special effects look like they are from 1924. I love the crazy numbers they throw at us in the trailer.... By 100 women, they mean 20 and by 1000 dinosaurs they mean 6. How can this come out right after Jurassic Park and look like this? Lol

This movie is total ass but the titties save it.
Is this the movie with my boy from PRISON BREAK?

And what titties you say?
Image
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Sun Nov 18, 2012 5:16 pm

lionheart wrote:http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/547307

An entire point and click adventure game based on The Room, complete with Titties!

The game is absolutely fucking insane, and not in a good way.
holy shit this is awesome.

I'm still waiting on Robert Paulson to visit here and suggest some awesome
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Mon Nov 19, 2012 2:44 pm

Repo Man wrote:
Is this the movie with my boy from PRISON BREAK?

And what titties you say?

Definitely titties, I assure you. I still haven't seen Prison Break though, so I'm not sure on that one.




Here are 2 solid additions to the shitlist:



Image

River of Darkness

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1421049/

Starring Kurt Angle, Sid Vicious and Kevin Nash and OMFG is it horrid.
When brutal murdering starts in a small riverside town, the sheriff must investigate and face the horrific past.
Image
Image
(look for the special appearance by Glacier from WCW (bootleg Sub-Zero)







Image
Wrong Side of Town

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1431191/

Starring Rob Van Dam, Batista and Ja Rule (WTF)
In order to save his kidnapped daughter, an ex-Marine is forced to take on a gang of killers when an accident leaves the brother of a malicious criminal dead.
Image
Image
(enjoy the special guests Omarion and Big Daddy V aka Viscera)

It's like AIDS caught on film.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
PhreakyMex
Posts: 4488
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 2:49 pm
Location: Frisco, Texas

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by PhreakyMex » Mon Nov 19, 2012 2:57 pm

this thread has me rolling..
Image
User avatar
SoVi3t
Posts: 5658
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:30 am
Location: Behind The Iron Curtain

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by SoVi3t » Mon Nov 19, 2012 5:53 pm

I think anything WWE makes can automatically get put on this list.
Image

Zytorg's mother sucks my dick for bus fare then walks home
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:48 pm

"No Holds Barred" comes to mind.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
User avatar
Zytorg777
Posts: 3098
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:19 am

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by Zytorg777 » Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:11 pm

I seem to remember the one where Hulk was a baby sitter alien or something being pretty decent?

andre the giant in princess bride was epic.

just saYING.
Image
"Getting that sincere heel heat from 40 year old virgins since 2009 because of my bachelors degree with honors"
User avatar
die
Posts: 14859
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:38 pm
Location: Apartment Complex of Dicks

Re: Cinematic Disasterpieces

Post by die » Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:27 pm

You talking about Suburban Commando.

The Princess Bride is a classic, but it wasn't one of the WWE/WWF films, it was a legit big budget film with name actors. Sovi3t is talking the WWE produced films.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WWE_Studios

See No Evil and The Marine actually have a pretty solid fan reaction despite some of the really low points of each, but for me, of the lot I think The Condemned is probably the best.
Image
There is another Skywalker....
Post Reply